On Monday as I was running hither and yon like a chicken sans head, I was reminded of this story from my childhood, introduced to me by my Grandma Hess.
The Old Woman and Her Pig
AN old woman was sweeping her house, and she found a little crooked sixpence. ‘What,’ said she, ‘shall I do with this little sixpence? I will go to market, and buy a little pig.’
Even though I should have been packing for our UT trip, Baby Tad and I headed to meet BT at his work to exchange vehicles so I could get his battery replaced for him.
As she was coming home, she came to a stile: but the piggy wouldn’t go over the stile.
But when we got to his work, the truck would not start and the battery could no longer be jumped.
She went a little further, and she met a dog. So she said to him: ‘Dog! dog! bite pig; piggy won’t go over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the dog wouldn’t.
BT’s propensity for procrastination had bitten him in the bum.
She went a little further, and she met a stick. So she said: ‘Stick! stick! beat dog! dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the stick wouldn’t.
And so Baby Tad and I headed off to Sam’s to get the battery and bring it back so BT could it install it; we’d then take the truck to the Ford dealership to get an alignment, safety inspection (over-due since APRIL!), and oil change (overdue since last fall!).
She went a little further, and she met a fire. So she said: ‘Fire! fire! burn stick; stick won’t beat dog; dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the fire wouldn’t.
But when I got to Sam’s, I realized that I had forgotten my wallet.
She went a little further, and she met some water. So she said: ‘Water! water! quench fire; fire won’t burn stick; stick won’t beat dog; dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the water wouldn’t.
My propensity for being a scatterbrain had bitten me in the bum. At this point, I was seriously wondering if I’d get home tonight.
She went a little further, and she met an ox. So she said: ‘Ox! ox! drink water; water won’t quench fire; fire won’t burn stick; stick won’t beat dog; dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the ox wouldn’t.
And so I drove back home to get my wallet, after which I stopped at AutoZone to buy a battery because it was closer than having to go back to Sam’s, but it was 25% more expensive than Sam’s, so I loaded Tad back in the car and drove to Sam’s to buy the battery.
She went a little further and she met a butcher. So she said: ‘Butcher! butcher! kill ox; ox won’t drink water; water won’t quench fire; fire won’t burn stick; stick won’t beat dog; dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the butcher wouldn’ t.
My frugality was taking a big bite of time out of my day.
She went a little further, and she met a rope. So she said: ‘Rope! rope! hang butcher; butcher won’t kill ox; ox won’t drink water; water won’t quench fire; fire won’t burn stick; stick won’t beat dog; dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’ t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the rope wouldn’t.
When I arrived back at Sam’s, I couldn’t find my Sam’s club card, so I had to get a new card, but my membership also needed to be renewed, so I renewed the membership. And then I got the battery. (FINALLY!)
She went a little further, and she met a rat. So she said: ‘Rat! rat! gnaw rope; rope won’t hang butcher, butcher won’t kill ox; ox won’t drink water; water won’t quench fire; fire won’t burn stick; stick won’t beat dog; dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the rat wouldn’t.
I drove back to BT’s work with the battery and called his work #. No answer. I called his cell #. No answer. I waited in the scorching hot parking lot wishing for a big drink of cold water and thinking not-so-kind thoughts about BT’s propensity for procrastination.
She went a little further, and she met a cat. So she said: ‘Cat! cat! kill rat; rat won’ t gnaw rope; rope won’t hang butcher; butcher won’t kill ox; ox won’t drink water; water won’t quench fire; fire won’t burn stick; stick won’t beat dog; dog won’t bite pig; piggy won’t get over the stile; and I shan’t get home tonight.’ But the cat said to her, ‘If you will go to yonder cow, and fetch me a saucer of milk, I will kill the rat.’ So away went the old woman to the cow.
BT was finally able to break free, and he installed the new battery, but because of all the delays, the Ford “dis”Service department was now too busy to help us. And so, thinking not-so-kind thoughts about Ford dealers and about BT’s propensity for procrastination, we called around and found another shop that could squeeze us in.
But the the cow said to her: ‘If you will go to yonder haystack, and fetch me a handful of hay, I’ll give you the milk.’ So away went the old woman to the hay-stack; and she brought the hay to the cow.
Upon arriving at the service station, I handed BT the coupons so that he could go “check in.” Perhaps suffering heatstroke from changing his battery in the wickedly hot parking lot, with a dazed look, he said, “Remind me again what work I need to have done on my truck???” I kindly took the coupons back from him, and leaving him with Baby Tad, checked the truck in so that we didn’t inadvertently end up with an engine overhaul instead of an oil change.
As soon as the cow had eaten the hay, she gave the old woman the milk; and away she went with it in a saucer to the cat.
We dropped BT back off at work, and I headed home to finish laundry.
As soon as the cat had lapped up the milk, the cat began to kill the rat; the rat began to gnaw the rope; the rope began to hang the butcher; the butcher began to kill the ox; the ox began to drink the water; the water began to quench the fire; the fire began to burn the stick; the stick began to beat the dog; the dog began to bite the pig; the little pig in a fright jumped over the stile; and so the old woman got home that night.
But before long the truck was done, so I went to pick BT up from work, we drove back to the service station arriving minutes before they closed, got the truck, fueled it up, went back to Sam’s to return the old battery, grabbed a quick bite to eat, finished my pre-vacation errands. And then this old woman went home and FINALLY finished packing (at MIDNIGHT!!!)
