As fourth grade winds down, I think that Ariana would have mixed reviews of her year.  Her teacher, Mrs. Sanderson, has been nothing short of fabulous.  But each day when the recess bell rings, a feeling of emptiness fills the heart of my sweet 4th grader.  Girls who she once thought her friends now, at best, purposefully exclude her from their play and, at worst, say hurtful, hateful things.

Her needs are simple and her request, just one.  She just wants a friend.  A real, honest to goodness, BFF.

I longed for the days when I could make the hurt go away with a Hello Kitty band-aid or a simple kiss.  I prayed for guidance to know how I could help Ariana not feel so lonely … how I could help her find a friend.

The answer to this prayer came unexpectedly …

A few weeks ago, Ariana came home from school, shoulders drooping from the weight of her backpack and the events of the day.  Oblivious, I started in on my usual boot camp drill sergeant routine.  But, with tears streaming down her face, Ariana waited for a pause and quietly said, “Mom, I have such hard days at school, I have no friends, and then I come home and you immediately start in on me, too.”

Suddenly, she wasn’t the only one with tears streaming down her face.

I had, at that moment, some sense for what Joseph Smith must have felt when he read in the Bible from James 1:5. “Never did any [declaration] come with more power to the heart of [a mother] than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again.” (JS History 1:12)

Be the BFF.  That was my answer.

In the words of President Monson:  “It is in the home that hope is fostered or destroyed.  Our homes are to be more than sanctuaries; they should also be places … where the storm stops at the door, where love reigns and peace dwells.”  (October 1999 GC)

The storm stops at the door.  I love that.  And I want my children to feel that … to know that, no matter what kind of day they’ve had, no matter how friendless they feel, I am their BFF and that when they are home, they are safe.

Sadly, the reality is that my kids still do far too much time on the naughty spot for petty crime … for things that I should be much more patient about.  Vivi was sent there this morning because I took offense at how she asked for a peanut butter sandwich.  But, in the few moments that I’ve spent writing this, I’ve had several occasions when I could have lost my cool with my kids and didn’t.  Progress?  I choose to think so.

After loading The Littles into the car last week, I had to run back in the house to look up an address. When I re-entered the garage, I heard Baby Tad wailing. He sometimes whines but rarely wails … unless he’s been hurt, and he’s a tough kid, so it takes a lot to hurt him.

A mother’s kiss quieted the poor little guy’s sobs, so I hopped in the front seat and began chauffeuring to our destination. As I drove, I questioned Vivi about why Tad was crying.

She coolly explained, “His arm got hurt.”

Two things struck me about her answer.

First, he was strapped securely in his car seat. Were there back-seat hidden dangers lurking within arms reach that I had heretofore neglected to mitigate?

Second, she answered in the “passive voice.”

I’m a bit of a grammar nerd. That’s not to say that I have perfect punctuation or grammar… far from it. In fact, my trademark use (and some might accurately say “over-use”) of the ellipse (…) is, at best, unorthodox, and, at worst, flat out wrong. If my Business Writing professor from BYU (Professor Bell) were to read my blog, it would bleed red ink. In fact, I credit (blame) him for my heightened sensitivity to the “passive voice.” In the days before word processors and auto-grammar checking (yes, I’m THAT old), I got dinged on my papers time and time again for mis-using the passive voice. I also got marked down for being verbose. Hard to believe, I know.

Anyway, a passive construction occurs when you make the object of an action into the subject of a sentence. That is, whoever or whatever is performing the action is not the grammatical subject of the sentence.

Example: His arm got hurt.

The primary reason why grammarians (and mothers) frown on the passive voice is that we are left guessing at the true meaning of the sentence.

Who hurt Tad’s arm?

How did his arm get hurt?

At times, use of the passive voice is accidental (as in case of my poorly written college papers), but it can also be employed as a sneaky tactic to hide blame or obscure responsibility.

When we arrived at our destination and I unbuckled Tad from his car seat, my suspicions were confirmed.

Needless to say, Vivi passed the afternoon in the quiet solitude of her room to avoid more aggressive consequences.

My sister, Heidi Ho, recently reminded me that “finished is better than perfect.” She’s the queen of finishing things. I’m the queen of trying to create a perfect plan … but then something invariably gets caddywhompus during the execution of said plan, and I get overwhelmed and subsequently give up.

Inspired by her recent visit (more on that later) and buoyed up by her example of fearless finishing, I started AND finished a quilt for a baby shower I was helping to host … in one day. The Littles and I headed out to JoAnn’s at 11:00 a.m. Tuesday morning, got fabric (after overcoming a bit of analysis paralysis), made a couple more stops, returned home, ate lunch, and then I started in on the quilt shortly before 2:00 in the afternoon. I stopped long enough to deliver Ariana and a friend to All-City Choir practice at 4:00, was back at it by 4:30 and finished an hour later.

The quilt is no work of art. It is a simple blanket made of two fabrics–floral flannel and off-white chenille; I used the “wrong” side of the chenille on some of the blocks to give it more personality. The squares are 7 1/2″ finished; it has no batting; three pieces of rick rack sewn on diagonally across the quilt are the only “quilting” that holds the layers together; and I cheated on the “binding” by cutting the back 1″ bigger than the front on all sides and then folding it over twice to the front form a “faux” binding.

But for all its imperfections, finishing it was not only better than perfection … it was a MIRACLE!

Now, before my phone starts ringing off the hook with calls from grandmas, aunts and anyone else who is under the spell of Tad’s baby blues, let me just say that I adore my sweet boy. He has me wrapped around his chubby little finger in such a way that it will rip my heart out when he heads off to kindergarten. Just thinking about it tears me up even now.

But in the cute and innocent ways of any clever toddler, Tad can be “bad.” My eyeglasses are tweaked because he seems to be able to get to them, no matter how well I think I’ve hidden them; furniture, walls, window sills, and my tile floors are “decorated” with his graffiti; we’ve had to lock our trash can in the pantry because he threw away the remote to the television, which we didn’t realize until AFTER trash day came and went.

Still don’t believe me?

Well, yesterday, the kids and I visited a cool new grocery store in the area, and when it came time to load our purchases in the car, I couldn’t find my keys. I knew that I hadn’t locked them in the car. I distinctly remembered pushing the button on the remote to lock the car as we walked into the store.

I tore apart my purse, searched all of our pockets, took every purchase out of the cart, scoured every aisle of the store, had nearly every employee of the store scouring every aisle, had several other customers scouring every aisle, positioned Ariana and a clerk outside within view of the car in case someone found the keys and tried to steal my vehicle, said multiple prayers, and was on the brink of breaking down and having to try and reach BT (a nearly impossible task when he’s in church meetings) to help bail me out.

But then, as I was about to drown in the depths of despair, I heard a still small voice utter words in a language that only a mother can understand–“Ka. Ka.” (English translation = “Car. Car.”)

“What did you say?” I asked Tad.

“Ka, Ka,” he answered as he tugged at the collar of his shirt. And then the light bulb went on. I fished my hand down his onesie in a way that only a mother can, and to the relief of myself and everyone else around me, I extracted the missing keys.

I should have thought to look there sooner, as that is his trademark hiding place these days. In fact, just a few minutes ago as I was changing his diaper to put him down for a nap, I found a Polly Pocket and a few of her little clothes. And a few weeks ago, Ariana shot an amusing video of him dancing after putting dominoes down his onesie:

Never a dull moment, I tell you. Never a dull moment.

Vivi has always been a girly girl, and you’ll hear no complaints from me about that.

I grew up in no-nonsense home without ruffled socks, princess panties, bows, or puff sleeves.  I never had a “friends” birthday party.  My clothes were clean but far from the frilly frocks that I yearned for.  Rough life, I know. 😉 And so I’ll admit that, now I’m a mom, I tend to go overboard in the fancy department.

Vivi’s birthday this year was no exception.

But because “fancy” doesn’t have to mean “expensive,” it was actually one of the cheaper birthday soirées I’ve hosted.

I whipped up matching skirts for the girls with clearance fabric from Fabric.com (I continue to LOVE my new serger), paired them with hot pink tops from Target clearance racks.  Total approximate cost, including the shirt = $3.50.  Other party favors included “fancy” accessories like sunglasses, jewelry, and tiaras from the Target $1 aisle.

We had a visit from Fancy Nancy and then the girls did a coffee filter butterfly craft, ate buttermilk pancakes (shaped like dress up items–used an old Williams-Sonoma pancake shape set I’d picked up on clearance a few years ago) with homemade strawberry syrup and whipped cream, blew bubbles outside, and then had parfaits (ice cream sundaes with lots of fancy sprinkles) for dessert.

Lastly, as a follow-up to the party, I made a ‘Thank You Card’ CD with three Fancy Nancy audio books on it, complete with a custom CD case cover that included a picture that I took of each sweet little girl posing with Vivi at the party.

A few days later, we quietly celebrated Vivi’s birthday as a family, and she received some stuff to work/play in the garden with Dad!  (He’s determined to make sure she has “balance” and doesn’t turn out to be too prissy).

I hope you had a happy birthday, Miss Vivi. As you like to say … we love you all the way up to the top of Cinderella’s castle and back … and then some.

“No matter how long the winter,
Spring is sure to follow.”
~Proverb

“But who needs spring
When winter has been so fun?”
~Tolbert Children

… and the reason why the family blog has not been updated in weeks.

When I woke up this morning, then there was snow.

And a lot of snow came so I could get to play outside.

I played outside with Dad. We built a snowman.

But the snowman falled down. When he falled, it was a bad time.

We putted marshmallows in our hot chocolate.

Tad was on the table eating the marshmallows and he putted the marshmallows in his cereal.

Later, I went out and built another snowman, but the other one was BIG … like THIS BIG.

Tad bit his lip.

Why did the snow come today?

Why didn’t you build a snowman with me, Mom?

Why did Dad wear my hat that Heidi made me?

Why was there only a little bit of vanilla wafers?

My mom loves me.

The end.

At church on Sunday, Tad was creating quite a stir. And I’m not just talking about the loud, piercing screams that he loves to produce at the most inappropriate moments. I’m talking about the MANY people that stopped in the hall as they walked by us and commented on how long Tad’s hair at gotten. The remarks ranged from the blunt “You’ve GOT TO cut that kid’s hair!” to the more subtle “Oh, look at that cute little mangy mullet he’s growing.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I KNOW that he needs a hair cut. But the thing is, I don’t know HOW to cut a little boy’s hair, and I’m NOT about to pay someone to do it.

Thankfully, a dear friend, Cheryl Underly, came to my rescue yesterday. Her husband had been standing near me and the Tadster in the hall and overheard many of the remarks.  He proactively suggested that his wife call and help me give little Goldilocks a trim.

I’m loving his new “little man” do, but I’m not ready for him to grow up.

He looks a lot like pictures of my dad when he was this age, I think …

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I KNOW that if I’m not complaining about how much trouble the little guy is, I’m complaining that he’s growing up too quickly. 🙂

My supremely talented sister, Heidi Ho, recently crocheted a darling little hat for Miss Vivi. From the moment that the hat came out of box, it has been a favorite of Tad’s.  Ho, here’s the picture I’ve been promising you: